Appendix D
Is Rich Misguided?

I make the argument that Rivina is quite misguided, especially when it comes to his favorite things: Volkers and school lunches. This appendix is here so that the reader can make his own judgement.

I had to search through computer magnetic tape archives to find the files that I present in this appendix. The files reproduced here will show different aspects of Rivina in terms of Volkers and school lunches. Other files from me may provide responses and similar messages.

D.1 Preserving the Volker-Craig

Figure D.1 shows an example of how misguided Rich can get when it comes to Volkers.

!                                              !  
!  Are YOU sick of those icky VT220 terminals? !  
!                                              !  
!  Do YOU wish that we had the Placating Shade !  
! of Blue back where it belongs - in computer  !  
! sites all over the Campuses?                 !  
!                                              !  
!  Then it’s time to SHOW your true feelings   !  
! and join the...                              !  
!                                              !  
!   SSSSS   KK   KK PPPPP   VV    VV  CCCCC    !  
!  SS   SS  KK  KK  PP  PP  VV    VV CC   CC   !  
! SS        KK KK   PP   PP VV    VV CC        !  
!  SSSSSSS  KKKK    PPPPPP  VV    VV CC        !  
!        SS KK KK   PP       VV  VV  CC        !  
!  SS   SS  KK  KK  PP        VVVV   CC   CC   !  
!   SSSSS   KK   KK PP         VV     CCCCC    !  
!                                              !  
!   The S)ociety to                            !  
!         K)eep and                            !  
!           P)reserve                          !  
!             V)olker-                         !  
!               C)raigs!                       !  
!                                              !  
!     If you have always longed to cry,        !  
!                                              !  
! " L O N G   L I V E   V O L K E R S  ! ! ! " !  
!                                              !  
!   ...then the SKPVC is the org for YOU!  We  !  
!  together will FIGHT the Establishment that  !  
!  brought in those icky VT220’s and return    !  
!  our beloved Volker-Craig terminals to their !  
!  rightful place in our computing centers!    !  
!      For more information, contact our Pres- !  
!  ident at UBVMS::V051Q576.                   !  
!                                              !  
!  "Volker-Craigs...the Terminal of Choice!"   !  
!                                              !  
!                                              !  

Source: [25]

Figure D.1: The Society to Keep and Preserve Volker-Craigs

It was originally intended to be a fake advertisment that was part of a Beachboard1 story called As the Beachboard Goes ‘Boing! Boink! Splat!’ written by Andrew Chaplin [25]. The story was a multipart story posted there in seven parts2 depicted the lives of fellow Beachboarders, and Rivina was able to submit his blather there for our consumption.

The reader should keep in mind that misguidance can happen to the best of us, and Rivina is no exception, especially after reading that post.

D.2 Rivina Normal Day

One time, at some point back in ancient history before O. J. Simpson was ever accused of murder, and even back in the days when Jimmy Griffin was mayor of Buffalo, Rivina went on an escapade called Rivina Normal Day. This was a time when he decided that it would be better to try to be like the rest of us. He would be like the rest of us, make fun of and put down school lunches with the rest of us and, in effect, tell us that Volkers comprised the biggest pile of horse manure ever collected in one place.

These happened several times whenever enough people asked him to do it. The first time I document Rivina Normal Day here in figure D.3 happened a mere four weeks or so after I had “met” him online. In fact, the exact method used was posted in figure D.14.

D.2.1 On Smaller Bulletin Board Systems

On a handful of bulletin board systems (BBSs) in the area, Riv will lead off his announcement for a Normal Day much like what’s in Figures D.2 and D.3.

Numb ->33  
 Sub ->-#- Health! -#-  
From ->THE RIVINA (#9)  
Date ->01/31/87 00:08:27 ET ABOUNDS on these boardies!  17 in 2.5 equals just under 7 posties  
per day!  A whole heck of a LOT compared to the dismal results on the  
OTHER boardies...!  
’Ow’s it goin’, peeples?  
* Mark’er - Good start?  Why do we want to take me offa School Lunches in the  
  FIRST place?  OOH!  What do you suppose a premium would be worth  
  on a School Lunch?  Insured School Lunches...GUARANTEED good-tasting or  
  double your money back!  Oughta be profitable, even at 5 cents a day!  
  After all, how many bad Lunches are OUT there...?  
* F-20’er - Monday.  Strange things happen when I call the Vax on me modem.  
  I can’t even do a simple "show users" without getting error messages!  
  All geared up for my next logon?  
  Next logon, peeples, is Rivina Normal Day!  
  See Riv denounce School Lunches!  
  See Riv use perfect English!  
  And much, MUCH more!!!

Source: [38]

Figure D.2: Rivina Normal Day on The Dark Side BBS Warning Order

Numb ->37  
 Sub ->Rivina Normal Day  
From ->THE RIVINA (#9)  
Date ->02/03/87 00:13:42 ET  
How is it going, people?  
     I notice, upon reading the post which precedes this one, that the date  
counter is not, in fact, in error - beyond the previously-known error in  
the TIME counter, that is.  Is it true, then, that there have been no new  
posts put here in nearly two days?  Is this due to a board crash, or a  
considerable homework binge on the part of The Keeper’s Wife, or a mere  
lack of callers, or an unexplained truncation of recent messages on Board  
     In any case, here come my replies.  
     Mark, I must agree with you.  Why even stop at grains of sand, though?  
The potential number of rotten, inedible school lunches can be put into a one-  
to-one correspondence with the real numbers!  TRY and eat a school lunch and  
live to tell the story!  It simply cannot be done!

Source: [37]

Figure D.3: Rivina Normal Day on The Dark Side BBS

Longer versions of these files showed up on a single-user (at a time) bulletin board system. We would then read them and work out our replies. Rivina would take his time and write a reply to everyone who created a public message (post) here and anywhere else.

Rivina had also managed to post on another BBS called TresAngle.3 He did not write a Rivina Normal Day post there because there was no demand, despite the “warning order” posted (figure D.4.

TITLE:-#- EEF! -#-  
Msg by: THE RIVINA  
Date  : Sat/01/31/87  
....raw-THUH slo’...  
’Ow’s it goin’, peeples?  
     Welp, the next time that I logs on, it’ll be  
|   --> Rivina Normal Day ! <--    |  
...some of you have been awaiting this with baited breath...  
* Mad Jamm’er - Um, I, too, once tho’t that meant "First logon date">  
  date".  I learned different, after alla my posties HAPPENED to be dated  
  on that logon date!  It is, indeed, the current nearly as *I*  
  can tell, the option has to do with the lack of existence of a Clock  
  on this fine BBS...  
* Mr. Mavy - Um, I tends to speak when spoken to.  
  Did you say somp’n to me in between my last post and the one before that?  
  If so, please accept my mosy humble apologies, as well as this message.  
* Maximilian’er - Hokay, me’ll B there...  
* F-20’er - All ready and hyped up for the Normal Day/Wierd Post Day???  
Ho well, as ever, I remains  
                                                   Ever your’n,  
(YAAGH! Darn spacebar retained the RETURN that I overpressed!)  
                                                       Ever your’n,  
                                                       -The Rivina.

Source: [39]

Figure D.4: Rivina Normal Day on TresAngle BBS Warning Order

However, private mail was sent to those who had requested it, like what is seen in figure D.5.

-=<>=- DATE: Sun/02/01/87  
Msg by: THE RIVINA  
Date: 02/01/87  
     What is all of this talk about the excellence of School Lunches floating  
around the bulletin-board systems?  I say that this is quite impossible.  
School Lunches cannot even hold a candle to stagnant sewer water, and are  
responsible for a considerable number of the food-poisoning epidemics in  
this nation.

Source: [30]

Figure D.5: Rivina Normal Day on TresAngle BBS

I fired back, indicating that school lunches resembled unwashed sweat socks.4 In mail, he thinks that I said that school lunches are not all washed up. Of course, he is trying to weasel out of it in the post found in figure D.6.

TITLE:-#- ’OWSITGOIN’? -#-  
Msg by: THE RIVINA  
Date  : Thu/02/05/87  
...All right, awreddie!  I’se BACK!  And I’se my old self!  Y’happy?  
’Ow’s it goin’, peeples?  
Holy moley!  What a SHOCKER!  You REALLY want me to stay the way I am?  
Oh well, the users git what the users ask for...  
* Thissid-Man - Contradiction, huh?  Is that like:  
  --> Innocent Gypsy Cat Women  
  --> Unrelated Scotti-s T  
  --> The Tres^Angle Flop  
  --> Bad-Tasting School Lunches  
  et. al. are contradictions, I takes it...  
* Mark’er - You are a vehement supporter of School Lunches, whether you  
  know it or not.  
* F-20’er - Wellll, I had to straddle the borderline in that post a bit...  
  - And you’re pretty correct about the math, it kept me off for the FIRST  
two nights of my absence.  Writing my story took the other two.  
-----------------------------------------------Ever your’n, -The Rivina.

Source: [40]

Figure D.6: Rivina Reverts To His Usual Self on TresAngle BBS

In the Normal Day posts, with regards to school lunches, he ultimately has the right idea. He can be taught! Naturally, I was so impressed with the idea that I came up with a Strange Day post of my own. This is provided in figure D.7.

Msg by: F-20 TIGERSHARK  
Date  : Sun/02/01/87  
duh speeritt uh’ porta-johnny lyvvs onn andd onn  
and vhutt ’aav wee-wee gotz hear? awl dhezze peepylzz wuhnyn awowownddd.  
wyvveena - dys myte bee kunsyderdd ay straaynj mess-uj.  
mavuhwykk - Aye deffynyttly lykkk dhozz low-gow’s U kreayttt...  
sisskow - ennye whonggdoo-dooyngyes U hahv benn kleauhdd uhv ’R’ vuhns aye  
neuw uhv..  
yo-yo-ya ya yo-duh - dherr ’R’ moor flyuhzz ow-ow-owtt dherr???  
Aye’s uh’pwomissin’ tuh’B ba-haaakkk ’2’ noormuhlll nexxedd tymie.  

Source: [2]

Figure D.7: A Curtis Strange Day Post

D.2.2 Graduating to Timesharing Systems

Once we got him on the Beachboard5, the Normal Days would start up there. A header from an actual Rivina Normal Day post is included in figure D.8.

     Well, here it is!  The promised Riv Normal Day post!  Once again, I apo-  
logize for not being able to put it up upon the second Riv Normal Day itself.  
Please note that this post only addresses persons who posted in between my  
post of Thursday night and my post of Saturday evening.  Persons who have  
posted since Saturday evening will be addressed in my regular Tuesday post.  
     The more observant among you will have noticed that in my post of Saturday  
evening, I answered "NO" to The Conjurer’s Quiz Question, asking if I would  
like to throw a Volker-Craig Terminal off of Tenth Floor Furnas.  
     Well, that’s right, even though I am Normal now, I WOULDN’T.  
     That isn’t high enough.  
     I would MUCH rather throw a Volker-Craig out of an airplane flying over  
the Amherst Campus at approximately a mile above ground level.  
     Thank you for your understanding, and please DO bear in mind that Volker-  
Craig Terminals, to put it coloquially, "bite the big one".  
     I will now graduate onward to the remainder of this post.  I am sorry, but  
I do not feel like indexing my post this time.  Remember, a Normal Riv does not  
do such crazy things!

Source: [32]

Figure D.8: Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder

Once again, everyone who left a message in the Beachboard would get a reply from Rivina. Many of those replies are not included here. The one he sent me was, as were select other replies to users when Rivina had something to say about Volkers, Fawn Hall or SAC Pizzas. It appears that I had cobbled together a post for the Beachboard to demonstrate to the crowd what a sample Normal Day post looked like. With that, I was able to brief everyone else on exactly what would happen. His reply to me is included in figure D.9.6

Mr. Curtis R. Anderson, known also by a million other process names, how is it  
                        going?  As one of the most vehement supporters of the  
                        Riv Normal Day, I assume that you appreciate it the  
                        most of all of us!  Enjoying?

Source: [42]

Figure D.9: Another Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder

Sample public communications are included in figures D.10 and D.11.

Cerebus, I have been informed that what used to be Volker-Craig, Limited, is  
         now known as the Nabu Corporation.  So in some sense, it is correct  
         to dispute the statement that "a Nabu is not a Volker".  However, in  
         the usual, conventional vernacular, the word "Volker" refers specif-  
         ically to the Volker-Craig 4404 Terminal, and it is indeed true, given  
         that definition, that "a Nabu is not a Volker".  
            By the way, do note that this discussion of logic is independent of  
         my opinion of Volkers.  Since this is Normal Day, I am compelled at  
         this point to admit to you that Volker-Craig terminals are worthless  
         pieces of trash that are more toxic than the Love Canal in 1978 and  
         about as beautiful as Medusa, and, speaking of Medusa, if that creature  
         were to look at a Volker, it would work just as well AFTER Medusa turns  
         it to stone as BEFORE!

Source: [42]

Figure D.10: Another Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder

Tron Bradley, High Diskmaster of ENCOM, Ultimate Volkerhater, Grand Master of  
              the Appropriate Destruction of Volkers, Crusader against the  
              CHR$(7), The One with the Burning Hatred of All Volkers, Supreme  
              Upholder of Progress through the VT220 and its Successors, the  
              One to Turn To when a Volker is Bothering You, the One who Disks  
              All Volkerlovers to the Head, Smasher-Destroyer of All Volkers,  
              The Best Security Program that ENCOM Has to Offer, Wonderful  
              and Correct Hater of Volkers, Volkerhater Superior of all ENCOM,  
              Advocator of Dipping All Volkers and Volkerlovers in Strong Acid,  
              Champion of the anti-Volker Cause, Supporter of the Just Cause of  
              the Fahrenheit 451 Terrorist, Grand Disk’er, Beloved Super Volker-  
              busting Program of Alan Bradley, and Despiser of the Right to  
        is it going?  I trust that this very correct and hono-  
              rable title is sufficient to knock you off of your feet!  
                 You are correct of course, Volker-Craig Terminals are the worst  
              invention ever realized by mankind, not to mention a complete  
              waste of (otherwise) perfectly good scrap metal!  And, of course,  
              as always, you are one hundred percent correct when you say that  
              they belong in History AND NOWHERE ELSE; in fact, I wonder what  
              curse befell the Users to have to put up with them in the FIRST  
              place?  It was VERY nice to see my fellow Volkerhater Alan again,  
              and I trust that all of us can get together and smash some Vol-  
              kers one of these days.  Will that not be NEAT?

Source: [42]

Figure D.11: Another Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder

Then his post to me appears in figure D.12.

Gleepy, I send my greetings to the One who is Most Supporitve of All of Riv  
        Normal Day!  Yes, I am aware that the BEACHBOARDers had to be "softened"  
        up to be able to accept this mind-boggling post!  
           And I may as well hereby state, now and for the record, that:  
        (1) Volker-Craig Terminals are worse than dog poop,  
        (2) I am very very un-innocent,  
        (3) Gleepy is HIGHLY un-innocent, and always shall be,  
        (4) Scotti and Miriam tip the scales of un-innocence until they are  
            upside down, and  
        (5) Gleepy.

Source: [42]

Figure D.12: Another Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder

The post in figure D.13 is yet another example of Normal Day personals.

The Conjurer, how is it going again?  Very well, I am ready to answer the rest  
              of the questions which you have posed to me.  
              --Yes, fortunately, I DID manage to change the personal_name.  It  
              took QUITE a bit of bribe money, but it was workable.  
              --No, unfortunately, I have not seen Miss Hall lately.  But that  
              Canadian cutie is a surprisingly good substitute!  She has many  
              of the skills that Fawnie had!  
              --No, unfortunately, I have been unable to procure UCS’s permis-  
              sion to get that icky Volker out of sight of Bell.  At any rate,  
              throwing it out of Tenth-Floor Furnas is FAR too merciful a fate  
              for such an undeserving machine!  
              --Mr. Dukakis is rather devastated at the loss of the Election,  
              but is otherwise doing just fine.  Have you received your Pink  
              Slip yet?  I am waiting for mine.  I am almost certain he has no  
              more use for me now.  Even if he did, he could not afford me,  
              now that he has no more access to presidential political coffers.  
              --SAC pizzas are pure, unadulterated garbage, and I would not  
              even CONSIDER partaking of one, or even getting within ten feet  
              thereof!  Enough grease to run Nebraska’s economy for a week!  
              --My ENTIRE role in the Iran-Contra affair?  I am sorry, but  
              it would take me at least a full week of constant data-entry to  
              give you that story.  I was VERY involved with Ollie at the peak  
              of the Hearings.  Even a normal Riv would not like to divulge  
              every LAST detail, in the interest of saving VAX diskspace.  
              --What did I do in the Hotel Room with Fawnie the night before  
              she cleaned out my Swiss Bank Account?  Well, like I said be-  
              fore...first we turned on the TV, then we poured some screwdrivers  
              for ourselves, and then we did the first syllable of the drink  
              that we just finished downing.  
              --The Rivina becomes the Queen of Sheba on occasion because he  
              utters blatant falsehoods on occasion.  This phenomenon is not  
              entirely understood.  Fortunately, I, Riv Normal, do not suffer  
              from this problem.  
              --The Rivina does indeed have a Dark Side, which is responsible  
              for invoking almost all of his Un-Innocent Activities.  He refuses  
              to admit it because to do so would to endorse said Un-Innocence.  
              I trust that these answers are more than satisfactory.

Source: [42]

Figure D.13: Another Rivina Normal Day on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard Folder, Part 2

In the future, Rivina Normal Days could be requested. Procedures for this are spelled out in figure D.14.

[3] Future Riv Normal Day Status:  
    I have decided to let the Public determine how often Riv normal Days will  
    occur, and when the next one will be.  I will be my regular, Riv-ish self  
    until such time as I receive a petition (electronic, hardcopy of electronic,  
    or old-fashioned pen-and-paper) bearing the names of ten (10) accredited  
    VAXers who wish to see another Riv Normal Day, and also bearing an exact  
    date upon which this Normal Day is to fall.  If this condition is fulfilled,  
    then the next Riv Normal Day will take place upon the requested date.  
    (Bear in mind that if this date should fall within this academic semester,  
    the amount of Normal-Riv-literature would be maximized if Riv Normal Day  
    were to fall on a weekend day.)

Source: [31]

Figure D.14: Policies Regarding Future Rivina Normal Days on UB’s BULLETIN Beachboard

D.3 Getting Back To Normal

For Rivina, getting back to normal would entail the usual plug for those Volkers..

Even one time found him chiding me for not doing my Curtis Strange Day7 post which I had done before. I had intended to do something called a Classic Day where I would revert from being Gleepy the Hen back to older monikers. See figure D.15 to see Rivina’s chiding.

* Gleeeeeeeeepeeeeeeeeee -- Yup.  I’se out here.  Sorry for the delay though.  
                            ’Ow’s it goin’?  And WHAT IS THIS ABOUT NO CURTIS  
                            STRANGE DAY?  How long would it take you to compile  
                            a postie like that?  Not THAT long, I’d reckon!!!

Source: [36]

Figure D.15: Getting Gleepy To Do a Curtis Strange Day

Another post addressed to the addressee mentioned in figure D.12 is shown in figure D.15, as he returned to “normalcy.”8

* And now it’s time to return to the way that the Diskmaster wants me...normal!  
  Tron Bradley, Supreme and Superior Volkerlover of all ENCOM, Grand Lover-  
  Defender of the Right to Pflack, Smasher of VT220’s, Wonderful Volkerloving  
  Program-Advocator, True Champion of Volkery Causes, Personal Alan-Appointed  
  Bodyguard to V. Craige and to Norton, Supreme Example of Good Attitudes and  
  Actions Toward a Volker, Upholder of Progress Through the Use of Volkers, and  
  Super Knight Protectorate of all Nabu Terminals --  
  WOW!  Didn’t THAT knock you off your feeties!  I’m glad to return to the lan-  
  guage that you love and adore; the Language of Volkers!  Heh!Heh!  
     Yes, Regalia’s experiment WAS a success, in the sense that he DID manage to  
  reverse my flags for 24 hours and then RE-reverse them with no permanent da-  
  mage done to my organic operating system or to my invaluable, voluminous mind!  
  However, it DID alter my philosophy on things, and I’m sorry I had to call you  
  a Volkerhater for a while there!  You’ll understand, I’m sure...!  
     You’re right, I DID get things the post immediately preceding  
  Riv Normal Day.  That WAS what you were referring to, correct?  Good.  No  
  disagreements.  Cool.  ALSO good to hear that you want to goldfoil all of  
  my excellent Volkerloving literature!  It WILL stand as a great testimonial  
  to the achievement that can be done on this planet through the judicious use  
  of Volkers!  You’re SO right, as you usually are when you advocate Volkers!

Source: [36]

Figure D.16: Example of Rivina’s Normal Post Style Praising Volkers

The idea is to show that Rivina can return to normal.

D.4 The Queen of Sheba

Whenever the Rivina utters a falsehood (as in figure D.17,) he [supposedly] turns into the Queen of Sheba (as in figure D.18.)

’Ow’s it goin’, peeples?  
     Wellp...I just couldn’t take it anymore.  WHAT IS ALL THIS TALK ABOUT  
VOLKER-CRAIGS BEING BAD TERMINALS?  Especially from *MY* account!!! I’m out  
to repair my damaged rep, now!  Let me tell you, peeples:  
If Volker-Craig Terminals have EVER, ***EVER*** given a SINGLE person ANY  
problem, ANY headaches, or ANY inferior-quality editing at ANY time in the  
past or present, then I am the Queen of Sheba.  
     Volkers are EXCELLENT terminals!  Volkers are SUPER!  And FANTAST

Source: [34]

Figure D.17: The Queen Of Sheba Warning Order

Greetings, Subjects...  
     I’m sorry.  You’re not my subjects.  I’m in the wrong century.  Sheer force  
of habit.  That’s what I say at ALL of my public announcements.  +{|:-)  
Hello!  I bring you royal greetings from the throne of...  
                     +  +  +                       +  +  +  
                     |\/*\/|  The Queen of Sheba!  |\/*\/|  
                    /=======\                     /=======\  
Yes, dearies, you can listen to that hot bag of wind (Riv) all you want, he’s  
quite harmless.  Contrary to his allegations, certain things DO happen whenever  
this Riv character tries to pawn off a truthful statement as a falsity.  We  
all know that Volker-Craigs are worthless terminals, threfore a Special Some-  
thing clicked a few seconds after Riv said that he would turn into the Queen of  
Sheba if they had no worth (see the post above).  
Nothing known to the seers and medical practitioners of my day, nor to the doc-  
tors and psychoanalysts (did I get those words right?) of YOUR day, can explain  
why this happens.  All any of us knows is, the minute that Riv makes that state-  
ment, I enter this plane with his body as the host.  I pick up a few of his  
traits -- not many, thank Osiris, but a few.  Enough to communicate in your  
native tongue, enough to know intuitively where the "letters" are on this quaint  
little board full of keys, and enough to know how to place what I scribe onto  
that wonderful Beach you keep here.  
I am very glad to be here, actually.  It can get rather tedious being a ruler,  
being expected to make all of the decisions.  I must admit, though, that I  
prefer monarchy to your system of giving everybody a vote in almost every  
matter.  If it were up to me, I would have your bumbling Safety Public officers  
and Steven the Sample bound and thrown into the Nile to feed the alligators!  
I don’t know what I would do with the Volkers.  If I had them smelted down and  
converted into jewelry or tools, they would eventually corrupt the system and  
ruin our economy.  If I had them used as building blocks in the next major  
Pyramid project, the darn tetrahedron would crumble to nothing almost as soon  
as it was finished!  I could create a Museum of the Seven Wonders of the Com-  
puting World and place the Volkers in an exhibit as a Memorial to Regressive  
Progress, but such things do not interest my subjects in the way that they in-  
terest the subjects of this century.  Oh, I do SO hate inefficiency!  +{|:-(  
Well, I may as well get down to some business.  I understand that you persons  
enjoy sending little messgages to one another on your amber Beach.  Personals,  
you call them?  I do not see how they can get personal when everybody with  
access to the Beach can read them, but then, there are several things which I  
do not understand about this era.  I’m glad, lucky even, to arrive here at all!

Source: [33]

Figure D.18: The Queen Of Sheba Posting

After all this was posted, he would have to apologize for having the Queen somehow make an appearance and really confuse things like in figure D.19.

A A A A A A A A A A A A A A R G H ! ! !  
What IS this???  How did that post get put in, via MY account???  
MORE Volker-bashing!  And OTHER sickeningly-sweet literature that doesn’t make  
a bit of sense!!!  
     Don’t listen to that chick, folks!  LONG LIVE VOLKERS!!!  
     I can’t handle it.  My regular Tuesday night postie is temporarily post-  
poned.  Besides which, this is the fifth post to come from my account today,  
the legal Beachboarding limit.  
     Ah well...takes it easy, and as ever, I remains  
                                                                  Ever your’n,  
                                                                  -The Rivina.

Source: [35]

Figure D.19: The Queen Of Sheba Retraction

There were times when Rich would actually dress up as the Queen for a Halloween party (or for other occasions where the costume was warranted).

D.5 “You Should See Him In Stories!”

Other areas for access on TresAngle and The Dark Side BBSs had “create as you go” story areas. I somehow remember story where Rivina having fun mixing up food in a half-pint milk carton (with a spork, nonetheless!) We would always try to steer the conversation away from those awful school lunches, it would seem.

Everyone who read those things should remember the chant of the Rivina clones:

School Lunches, bunches and bunches.
School Lunches, bunches and bunches of
School Lunches.

D.6 Rivina’s Terminal of Choice

Rivina may not really be as much of a Volker as he appears. Sure, he talks about how good they are, but see how much fun he has using EVE for OpenVMS. See the post, split in two parts, in figures D.20 and D.21.

Er, um...’Ow’s it goin’, peeples? is HIGHLY nonspontaneous...  
     Not only am I, the Grand Superior Volkerlover of the State University  
of New York at Buffalo, currently using an (UGH!) VT320 (gag!), but I’m not  
even using that editor which REMOTELY resembles a Real Editor, namely, EDT!  
(At least IT has some sort of line editing capability!)  
     This is (eek!) "EVE".  What am I DOING editing with this thing?  
     Oh,’s getting worse...I’m EVEN able to execute DCL commands  
without spoiling the text, or creating more than one version of the file,  
or something like that!  
     No!  It CAN’T be!  SENDS and other broadcasty invading messages don’t  
interrupt the text!!!  Argh!  What am I DOING here?  If I stay much longer,  
I might EVEN get USED to this crazy thing!!!  
     I can’t deal with this..."Riv the Volkerhater"?  PERISH FORBID!!!  
Er, um...we’ll have to, um, have the Nabu Corporation send UB some introductory  
Volker-Craigs to us...ahhhhhhhhhh...that’d be GREAT, to have all Volkers here  

Source: [41]

Figure D.20: Rivina Uses EVE on a VT-320 Terminal

Curtis here...  Volkers can’t do WINDOWS!!!  (we now return you to the  
[duressed?] ramblings of a Riv...)’s just a MINOR inconvenience that Curtis just pointed WHAT if Volkers can’t do windows?  They can do so many OTHER things!!!  
Volkers have that indefinable CHARISMA that keeps you going, long after you  
would have petered out on any other terminal!  Volkers have that Placating  
Shade of Blue (which I’m told is officially "white", but no matter), which  
pleases d’ eye and soothes d’ soul.  
     It’s VERY easy to do up a program on a Volker, contrary to popular belief.  
It is a statistical fact that 93 percent of all programs done on a Volker  
compile correctly the first time!  Therefore,  
(Curtis again...  Actually, most programs don’t care whether or not they are  
run on Volkers or not!  Take that either way...  )  
...rrrgh...stupid Overstrike capability...  
    At any rate...what I was saying was, that’s a strange but true correlation  
that I just pointed out!  So, even if (for some unfathomable reason) it takes  
five times as long to do up your program on a Volker than on a (UGH!) VT320,  
chances are it’ll work right the FIRST time, so that you don’t have to spend  
hours and hours debugging it!  You make out GREAT in the long run!  No all-  
nighters in Bell or Baldy!  You get to ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ just because you  
chose to program on a Volker!!! SHOULDN’T take you SO very much longer to line-edit your program  
on a Volker than to (yick) full-screen edit it on one of those icky VT320’s...  
     Er, um...I guess I’ll cut it off at this point...time is a flittin’, and  
I fear that I have to be someplace in PREE-cisely four minnits and ten, with all due respect, takes it easy, and as ever, I remains  
                                                           Ever your’n,  
                                                           -The Rivina.  
---Riv, Master of Volker Praising.

Source: [41]

Figure D.21: Rivina Talks About Programming on a Volker

Of course, he may not have much of a choice any more. It seems that his favorite line-mode supporting editor for OpenVMS, EDT, may be losing support. This will force The Rivina to ditch his Volker at long last and get a real terminal before it’s too late and smoke starts coming out of his ears.

D.7 Rich Gets Stuffed With C0ntessa

This whole book/article/report/thesis, in theory, has nothing to do with Rivina’s stuffed moose9 named C0ntessa (the numeral being part of the spelling). It has nothing to do with the fact that I was part of the conspiracy to hold it hostage. I wanted to determine the drop-off point for it.

We had this old beech tree near some land where my mother, father and I would camp out in Great Valley, New York. This tree was hollow and the first 1/2 meter or so of the tree was bent at an angle to the west. Normally, this was the stash point for things like the aluminum teakettle we would use to heat water for hand washing, coffee, or dish washing.

When I invited the gang down for a cookout, I had wanted to gain possession of C0ntessa long enough to wrap it up in a plastic trash bag (so it wouldn’t get dirty) and stuff it in there. Fortunately for all concerned, the stuffed moose was returned to Rivina well before the cookout. He was shown the spot, being told that that would be where C0ntessa was returned. When I brought that fact to his attention, he seemed to recall the fact that C0ntessa was going to be stuffed in it somehow. Naturally, he winced and whimpered, as though someone took away his Volkers and school lunches.

Sometime later, my mother told me that the tree had to be cut down. Between us, there should be some pictures of the tree that could be scanned in in case I wanted to include photographs in this publication. I have some that I took back in 1972 somewhere. My mother probably has access to the negatives (as I have no clue where they went).10